IF you've followed my blog for any length of time, you'll be able to deduce that I rather smile than cry/be blue. There's a common construct we're told, in that men do not cry or show emotion, it's as though a "Man Card" will not be issued or that one cannot pass Manhood Blvd and collect their $200 (Monopoly ruined me as a kid).

For far too long I've attempted to be a "perfect" guy to the outside world, while inside I'm fighting my own dark battles. IF you love me do not turn away now, this is the part of the story which gets good, well as good as I choose to make it I suppose.

I recently found myself on a camping trip, my first camping trip to be exact; no there wasn't anything luxurious about no running water or common comforts which most would believe I'd need while out in the woods. For a few days, I thought my way around what is taking shape in my life, the decisions I'm making and the people whom I'm affecting in the process. In all honesty, I'm forever looking for a sense of clarity in it all.

The time was about 10:30am when I stared up towards the sky and noticed the sun and the clouds doing a synchronized dance of sort. As I stood there, I wondered if I could extract both light and darkness in a way that provided some form of beauty.

Isn't it strange, the idea that light and darkness can mix and yield quality? Through the quietness which I often exhibit, I've found that my mind operates a bit differently than most and due this, people often think that my life is always on the up and up, however, truth be told, I'm fighting to preserve the light which I've been blessed with.

There comes a time within life when one must look internally and accept who they are; I believe this moment is upon me. I'm not perfect, nor do I need to act as if I am, I'm not above needing to be taken aside and told, "Hey man, you're wrong..."

Recently I looked up and to find that the sun is a guide and provides light, the same can be said of the moon. The moment I take what I think I know out of the equation and simply trust the paths being provided, that's the very moment I'll find clarity both in the light and the darkness.

None of this might make sense to any of you but just remember the decisions we make though they may appear dark, might just have enough light to help you see a better picture/bigger picture. We're here but for a moment and within the moments, we should live life to the fullest but not at the expense of causing others pain or harm.

For far too long I've attempted to be a "perfect" guy to the outside world, while inside I'm fighting my own dark battles. IF you love me do not turn away now, this is the part of the story which gets good, this is the part of the story where things become clear.