Lately, I've attempted to craft my words and thoughts into concise packages of love, more than bite and let me tell you it's not that easy to do at times. There are days when everything seemingly flows correctly and then there are days when I wonder if common sense is really common when I listen to myself. Ha, I just heard my father, "Whose child is this..."
The days are now starting to change and the fall will soon be upon us and it's with this change, I think I'll begin my preparations for the winter and new year. Oh what a year we've had and it's so close to being over and behind us for only our memories to pull images from both the good and the bad days.
In January of this year, I was unsure as to the direction I was heading and February threw another strange twist into the mix as well. IF not for friends helping to keep me focused and moving forward, I often wonder where this year would have led me.
It's within this year I've learned to reflect, I set out thinking that a breakup would derail so much of my daily life and I wouldn't have much direction yet I found myself working even harder to mend a few of the broken pieces within me. I know it's not every day that you find a man in his forties writing about a past relationship, saying, "Thank you for the lessons taught". The easiest thing(s) to do are to point fingers as to who was in the right and who was in the wrong, however, in this case none of that is necessary.
For close to seven and a half years, I sat quietly watching the clouds float by, I wasn't happy but pretended to be because it was something that I could work through, just a bump within the relational road so to speak. The truth is so many people are unhappy, lonely with their significant others close by, they're trapped within a place that they themselves do not know why they sit in. I often ask a friend, "When did we grow up" and the answer, for me at least, always stares back at me with a pair of wild eyes and a wry smile. The greatest thing I lost wasn't a person, it was time. So I ask, "How much time or how many clouds are floating by so many of you today"?
Close to a week ago or so ago, my buddy and myself were laying on our backs staring at the night's sky and stars; I know random for two old guys to reminisce about life in the middle of driveway. As my buddy shared his heart with me, about life, I sat and listened intently and I also saw the stars for what seemed to be the first time in close to a year, there was something different about it all. Suddenly, I remembered my childhood, I remembered my father pointing towards the sky and explaining satellites and space as best he could, it was memorable.
I took a drive and re-found a place, a place which I visited this summer; in doing so, I noticed how serene the environment was, I sat on my portable chair and felt the breeze and I listened to all the noises around me. Coming into 2020, I thought I knew what love was, I thought I had so much figured out but I was set to learn a valuable lesson about the heart and time; they both beat to a different drum.
The sun was kind enough to stand still for a moment and pose for me, much like it's cousin the moon did a few days prior. It was within this photo, I found there are so many lines which lead in and out of our lives, lines which when observed from a place of peace can appear beautiful. It is within our moments of uneasiness with ourselves we lose sight of all of the beauty around us. Tomorrow isn't promised so if we're blessed with today, do not waste it worrying about how we add up to someone else that isn't sitting and observing your sky, laying and listening to your hopes and dreams.
Again, we grow differently when we're watered correctly; I hope I've CAREFULLY WORDED this all in the right way.