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  • Nemi

Focus...

Well, the world seems to be opened again for business as "usual" whatever usual looks like at the current stage. In all fairness to myself, I believe this has been the longest period of time in which I've stayed close to home and not ran around this State or world of ours due to the fact I'm attempting to be responsible, also not get the Rona.


People are flocking back to restaurants and bars because they've forgotten the feeling of being around others, they've forgotten what it's like to dress up and hit the town, what it's like to be seen; all the while I'm sitting here watching it all take place, while pouring myself another vodka/fruit punch (don't judge me, I can feel your eyes judging me). If you didn't know already, I'm a slink into the room, slink out of the room type of guy, yes I can bullshit with the best of them but bullshit seems to be the last thing I'm worried about these days. As a world, we're falling back into an abyss of sorts and people are okay sitting within the darkness, which is imminent.


I'm finding that I'm lonely, I'm finding that each day is a battle against myself, a battle to ensure that I'm not lost scrolling through Instagram worrying about who likes a post of mine, follows me, unfollows me, or blocks me (like, I'm still alive if I get that old block message), I'm fending off the texts about nothing too, the conversations about nothing, the talk of nothing.


Life is much like photography in that if one doesn't change their viewpoints/perspective(s) they will keep facing issues which they wish very dearly to overcome. I have friends who are going through divorce, they're unhappy and not being validated within their marriages, they are unhappily "toughing" it out because they've placed a time period on when to pull the plug on things and it's only a matter of time, and then I have friends who are honest with themselves and saying, "I love you but I love me too" and have stepped away either to collect their thoughts or start anew. There are friends addicted to alcohol and drugs yet they say, "I'm good..." all the while I can see their spirits plummeting to the earth per se.


I bring up the relationship piece, whether with another or self, because there's a sense of focus needed to traverse so much within the partnership of individuals. As quickly as the clouds move within nature, so do the hearts of others, it can be both beautiful and cold. Please understand that I'm not a relationship aficionado any more than I am a professional photographer; I'm learning what works and what doesn't within my life. My past relationships (two within my lifetime) were long and enjoyable up until the point I lost focus perhaps on what was important to my partner(s) or even more importantly, to myself.


This piece wasn't meant to be about relationships, it was really to talk about the sweet picture I took while in Yosemite and how I changed my visual perspective to capture the face in new light. My focus changed greatly from the two previous trips to this location, I found myself not in a rush, I slowly inhaled what was around me (nature/beauty) and exhaled what was inside of me, feelings of self doubt; with this focus, I was able to capture the image shown.


IF you're feeling overwhelmed within your life, within your relationships, it's okay to take a few steps back in order to reassess where you're standing and figure out just how in focus or out of focus you are or would like to be; there's beauty within bokeh too, I've spent time and money on that as well.


I sat here inhaling my position, exhaling my doubt, all the while adjusting my focus; I hope you do the same.


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