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  • Writer's pictureNemi

Focus On This...

Today, I had lunch with a colleague for the first time in months and it was pretty special in my opinion in that we spoke about life for close to two hours. There are moments in my life, when I feel as though I'm the only one walking through a test of sorts whether it be patience, faith, or financial.

We spoke of travel, careers, and relationships; we also spoke of our hopes, dreams, and failures. The conversation was good in the sense that it was reflective as to where we stood within the present. It's always within these moments, I wonder if I've done enough to say enjoy the rest of my time here on this planet.

Life is both beautiful and cruel, you've probably read these words within other posts of mine, over the course of the last few years. I've found that it's in my days of worry, I tend to see that the water is only waist deep and I can simply stand up in order to survive. It's as though this day was waiting for me to share my heart and thoughts more so than in other days.

The truth is I think my focus has been off for some time yet I've been afforded the chance to find my way to right here, right now. I'm not one who boast of much if anything at all, instead I push aside compliments and cower behind them as though I have a childlike fear of being recognized. From an early age, I've known that I was different than all the kids around me; NO I'm not a superhero, however I do posses a certain power unlike most.

One's ability to tell a story can make said person intriguing to the world around them, only if the world takes time to read and or listen to the stories being told/shared. My stories have been ones of triumph as opposed to failure, more attempts at joy as opposed to pain, yet through them all, they've been mixed with imagery and song. IF I could paint a picture or craft a song about life, it would be exactly the pieces of myself which I've laid out before you all for the last five years or so.

I broke up with a long term girlfriend, coming into 2020, I might share that story at some point as closure is always nice. The reality to even this is I was complacent and not true to myself and my wants with the direction of where we were headed from week two all the way to too many weeks down the road. Where do you sit now, I mean within your own happiness? These days of loneliness have been few and far between as I've managed to stand up and not sink.

My friend asked me if I was ready to put myself out there into the world, I think they were wondering if I would upload my picture and persona into a dating application but in my mind that solves nothing as I'm not attempting to fill tiny cracks with sand. The truth is I'm in liking of my progression and I'm also learning to love (me), it seems as though it has been an eternity since I FOCUSED ON THIS.

I pray for the day when travel will be a thing again, I pray that my career will continue to blossom, I pray that I'll continue to foster the proper friendships/relationships and I hope for a soft landing when I fail, as well. There's a part of me that's a hopeless romantic but there's also this party of me that's a hopeful romantic too.

Recently I told a close friend, "We respond differently when we're watered correctly"; she has been holding the watering can for some time now.

IF you're unhappy and thinking that there isn't a way out for you, remember to stand up at some point. There's world that's ready for you to be exactly whom you were intended to be, however the only way to do so is by applying a bit of focus. The journey starts with us and many a times it ends with us as well.

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