Here Goes Something...
What a ride we've been on for so long now it seems; I mean who the heck really thought this was going to be the year when everything, I mean everything went to absolute poo (I'm still unsure if I can curse on here and not lose my writing license). The one constant which I've enjoyed is a sense of peace and by peace I mean very few interruptions to the energy around me.
Yesterday, I told a buddy that it had been some months since I've had an exchange which caused my spirits to rise a bit and I'm not speaking of work or Covid, I'm referencing relational exchanges with other humans within my circle. The realization of this caused me to pause and think about how I used to approach things, how I used to perceive myself, and the direction in which I was heading.
In a world where so many people are feeling the effects of not being able to truly socialize, I'm over here thinking that I've found myself within all of this chaos. My motto has been, "Your chaos cannot become my chaos" and I've stood by said verbiage for some time now. IF anyone gives me reason to doubt or feel a way, I'm obliged to let them know what I'm feeling as opposed to keeping quiet and letting things fester; it's the fester which leads to us dying inside, all the while the other party are sleeping well.
This month marks the ten year anniversary of my house being robbed and my life being turned upside right. My life was headed in a direction which wasn't really planned out and then a major reset took place and I found that experiences are better than materialistic items; a lesson which I'm still learning though fully aware of its importance. Ten years ago, I was more carefree with time and I wasn't anywhere close to being honest with myself about the person I was and the person I continued to be.
There are lessons which we learn, at times, when we take a step back or forward, depending, and observe where we've either come from or where we're heading. My trajectory for years on end always seemed to have an upside but I would continually sabotage myself, which in the end kept me grounded from taking flight. It's too easy to blame others so I'm going to fall on my own sword and say it was me, it has typically been me impeding my own progress.
I tend to overthink a wee bit and I also tend to place so much pressure on myself that I get lost trying to figure out my next steps. IF you've followed my blog for a bit you'll read about some successes which I've had as of late with the purchasing of a new home, you won't see the issues which almost derailed said move. It's these failures, these moments which I'd like to share but they're one sided and do not allow the other sides to defend their actions. In the end is any of it truly important; maybe that's what has allowed me to grow as well, not carrying the baggage of the past into each day. Yes, I know I'm favored, and yes I know I have little to do with the blessings around me and the lessons which I'm learning, too.
My message is simple, now, don't waste time and also don't be afraid to share what's on your heart/mind. I cannot say that the journey to today has been horrible, I've had a few friends help me to see my worth, a few friends who've helped me to find my voice, creativity, and energy; I've had ZERO people within my circle, attempt to take said values away from me.
At the end of the day, we have a choice, actually scratch that, at the start of our days we have a choice to either be thankful or apprehensive about the day at hand. There are many who allow others to steal their light and that shit is hard to get back if it's taken daily. Years from now some will have regrets for not making the moves necessary to ensure their peace; being happy is a cliche, as happiness is learned trait and not one that can be flipped like a switch. I sat within a place of unhappiness for many years and then one day, not too long ago, I found myself letting go of the resentment, the junk, which I had stored within my heart and mind; that stuff was taking up valuable space.
The goals I've set for myself are laid out before you, if you take a moment or two to comb through the many stories I've written over the course of time. I won't be here too much longer and I hope you remember the quirky man who wore 5 Panel hats, sang too often, laughed from time to time, and attempted to challenge the spirit of others.
2020 has been an example of time and how beautifully cruel it can be, again, I'm fixated on the beauty because nothing is perfect under this sun of ours.
Thank you for making it to September, I'll see you at the end of the year for the recap of all of this "stuff". IF you're shared your energy with me in 2020, I thank you as I'm sure I wouldn't be at this point if not for your assistance. Why not me, why not you too...
Don't forget to pick up my book, Letters To Flor - Nemi Mayu (On Amazon)