How Many Somethings Can I Say...

I would say that I was very apprehensive about how any of this would look and feel. The idea of starting anew at any age can be overwhelming however when you're my age, the idea of anything new is tricky. I'm at the point where listening is better suited than say just going full throttle and running out of gas half way down the road.

Coming into 2020, I've been faced with a few new challenges none more important than truly being kind to myself. For years, I've allowed myself to sit idle and not take hold of many of the things which I need; mind you, there's a difference between needs and wants.

This isn't a piece about lost love or broken promises as much as it is going to be about being steadfast and patient with the process. Each of us are on a journey through this thing we call life and with said journeys we can either be patient or attempt to force the issue in order to get to the places where each of us believe that we belong.

Our nation/world is currently falling apart and people are struggling to survive whether that be monetarily or mentally. It feels as though with each passing day, a larger cloud looms over many people who want nothing more than the sunshine to be shown about them.

I for one like the gloomy and gray, the wind and the rain, I was built for these moments and within these moments I've learned to sit quietly and observe all the chaos but not succumb to all of the noise. Peace cannot and will not exist if one is not at peace within their own heart. Alas, for years the struggle has been to find peace within my own life and often I've failed due to the pressure placed on me not to fail.

As the days move forward, I'm learning that I'm failing forward as well; there are no perfect days, however, there are perfect moments which I've found myself at peace with along my journey.

Today, I spoke with my father and vented to him about a work issue and how I was being treated or at least spoken of by a client. During our conversation, I used colorful language in order to describe exactly what I was feeling inside and to my surprise, my father didn't bat an eye or tell me to take it easy, he simply listened. At the end of my tirade, he chuckled and said, "Son, it'll be fine".

How many somethings can I say, how many more times will I become dismayed before I open my mouth and spew the venom which I possess?

One does not fail if they're being truthful to their being and also to those whom they care about, too. The hardest thing to do is to try and keep yourself afloat while someone else is sinking or attempting to pull you down. In the first few months of 2020, we're seeing many variables which can take us down a path of misery and doubt.

I'm learning that each step taken is a chance to thank the lord above for life, I'm finding that each breath inhaled and then exhaled again is giving back to this earth, I'm learning that a soft word turneth away wrath, I'm learning that it's okay to express your feelings, thoughts, and fears if something is on your mind.

I'm finding that objects in the rear view mirror, may appear closer than they are; objects such as love and the now. So with this stated, learn to love yourself now... and say as many somethings as you need to.