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  • Nemi

I Find Myself...


We were just here, yesterday, it seems. The days and nights have passed us as quickly as the morning breeze. I wish I could explain within a few words, what has taken place in front of my eyes, let alone my heart, over the last six and a half months or so. The idea of being present through moments of chaos is real. The promise made was, "See you in July" and without hesitation, the days have brought us to this place of refuge, place of familiarity.


My wish now is to not look at the clock as the days move like the shifting sands on the beach; they're fleeting, now, and the time for another promise is drawing closer it seems. How many more promises will be allowed to make, how more chances will our eyes be allowed to dance within the movement of our days together as a stitched family.


I've jumped to another country, another place, in order to visit those whom I consider to be family, so much family that I've forgotten how my blood even flows at this point in life. My ears have been trained to the sounds around me, my heart is tuned to what culture is meant to be. I do understand that my strength is found in my adventures and with every adventure, I've grown in stature. The country looks at me with apprehensive eyes, until I meet said eyes with my longing gaze of gratitude.


Today, a young child and his grandmother were playing on an abandoned football pitch. I sat and observed their interaction; I reminisced about my younger days and couldn't find any memories that matched what I was seeing. The child's babcia (grandmother) was encouraging and full of life, as she retrieved each of her grandson's arrant shots on goal. She picked up the soccer ball and threw it back towards him, laughing at times, perhaps thinking about her days as a child.


I found myself wanting to play, I asked my sister and brother-in-law, "I wonder if he'd allow me to play, to kick the ball back and forth for a moment..." It's always different when your skin is different and you have to wonder about the experiences or vices others might have towards because of perception.


As we packed up our blanket and board game, we made our way towards the boy and his babcia, who were also leaving the area. I met the eyes of bacia, as she inspected my appearance, and I spoke her tongue, because all that is needed to break the ice many a times is a simple "Hello". She replied, with a sense of shock and adoration mixed within her eyes. Her grandson, not being older than ten years of age, met our passing with a bit of inquisitiveness, because he was closer to our proximity than his grandmother. He sheepishly stared at us and I met his gaze with his native tongue; his eyes lit up and so did my sister's.


Over the course of the last two days, kids have waived and adults have paused a bit, in observance of something they do not see often around this city, a black face who isn't a "worker" but more like a unicorn.


I FIND MYSELF taking this all in, one step at a time... It's funny to think about when I do in fact, find myself (think about it).