I'm Not Sure...

For years, I've honed in the skill of being overly observant. This all started at an early age, during my formidable years. I was young when I witnessed an attempted murder, drug deal gone bad incident.

It was in the mid 1980's and I was outside playing, probably playing tag since that was the game of the complex. It was early evening, definitely after dinner and before sleep. The neighborhood felt vibrant, I can remember vividly that it was a warm vibrant evening.

Across the way or the street was another set of apartments, where gangsters and drug dealers and users frequented; we were never allowed to have our games venture across the street. As we were running around, several shots rang out into the evening and those shots created immediate commotion. I remember standing and staring, I can hear my father yelling in my direction, however, I was focused on the car, the shooters, and the direction they headed.

My eyes are always drawn to what seems out of order, missing/lost, when it comes to certain situations. When something feels off, I tend to follow my intuition, in order to place my mind at ease. This has been taking place in my life for years and so many people have said the same thing to me, time and time again, "I never realized..."

One of the many reasons photography is special to me is due to the fact it makes me observant, it causes me to slow down. When you love something, it's best if said love is savoured. This is when the "I've missed you" comes into play and kisses become powerful displays of longing and affection.

We never know how life will wire us. I prayed far to often for deliverance, I wished for another life, in another place, surrounded by people who weren't poor, who weren't bad. The truth is, this world is inherently a lot of things, I've wished to escape but here I am.

I'M NOT SURE if I'll ever be okay, if I'll ever not be observant; I am grateful for my eyes, forever wandering, attempting to find the beauty or difference in what others simply don't care about or see.

While everyone sat, I looked up to see if I could find anyone looking back down at me, the child who still pauses and observes, who still dreams, who still loves openly and honestly.