I See You Bruh...
This morning, I posted to my Instagram page for what seemed to be the first time in a very long time. For me the allure of posting and scrolling was severely diminished towards the end of 2020, when the entire nation seemed to have all of the answers for all of the shortcomings which it faced at the time. To be fair, I have short fuse and I removed myself in order not to say the wrong thing to anyone, on any side of the spectrum; my take on life isn't important, I have one job and that's merely to live and try to be a positive influence.
As I scrolled through pictures, I came across some that I've never posted, some new, some old, but all with a certain meaning/attachment to a moment. I scrolled across a picture which reminded me of my buddy Steve who passed away, last summer. The picture, which I've shared within this blog, took me back to the day I played on the train tracks and attempted to act as though everything was okay within my life. I remember setting my phone down on the track and running off into the distance before the timer snapped a shot. IF Steve were around, I would've sent him the very shot and he would have said it was rad or bitchin'.
I remember crying later that evening just thinking about him and how fragile life seemed; life still feels fragile and I'm reminded that all of this is temporary. In the last few weeks, I've been searching and wondering about why I've been created the way that I have, it's strange to think about all of the lives that I've been a part of through my short time here on earth. There has been more laughter, than tears, although I remember both as they occur, within my life.
When my buddy passed away, I thought about his then nine year old daughter who was suddenly left without a dad. The main 'problem' for her was, her dad had created a base of individuals who love her too much to allow her to feel alone; I'm unsure as to why I've been allowed to play the role of an uncle.
I looked that little girl in her eyes and told her that I'm here for her whenever she wants to just get away and I meant those words. It's amazing how resilient kids can be and this kid is pretty damn resilient, I'm unsure if I've met a child as strong as her.
After a somewhat interesting day/night of being trapped within my own head and wondering about my life in general, I get a text which read:
I See You Bruh, you're kicking my ass and God is reminding me that life is great. At times, I wonder who think about little ol' me, at times, I wonder who truly cares and then it's within these moments of insecurity, I'm reminded that all isn't for naught when it comes to the friendships created.
There's beauty in being an uncle to all of these little ones! I never thought I'd have the strength to carry others, let alone myself. Thanks bruh for thinking of me today too...