I Used To...

I really, really, used to wonder about life

Wonder if I'd have three kids and a wife

A mansion

A shack

Just something nice

Never played in alleys

Because I wasn't good with the dice

I really, really, used to think about things twice

I'd sit in spaces, quieter than even the mice

The beating of my heart had enough peace to suffice

The thunderous roar my thoughts would bring during the night

I really, really, used to wonder about you

Wonder if you truly knew

The joy I'd receive when your smirk would come into view

When I was a child playing made games about life

I was wishing for you

I'd say your name

And dream about our place with a view

What is it that I really, really, know now

Far too often I wonder if people see a clown

A young man with a smile that has been flipped around

No change so I'm merely sitting idle on this merry-go-round

Damn, at thirteen, I asked Mary to go round

I handed her a note and said, "You're my favoritest girl in town"

She handed it back and said, "You're so funny but you need to calm down"

Since that day

I've been the chillest guy in town

I don't flinch when Mary tries to talk to me now

I used to really, really, wonder about life

And then I met a person who was struggling to find light

In and out of the darkness

Their happiness couldn't take flight

Upon further inspection they clipped those wings at night

Sometimes we sit within a world of fear

We forget all the love we have near

We cry alone in crowded rooms

Because our hearts are far from home

I used to want to be your home

Your shelter when you felt so alone

Your base to return to after all your fears had roamed down your face

It was my embrace that would help you return to being whole

It was my voice that would console

Your broken heart

I used to wonder if I was strong enough

If I could maneuver through all the stuff life slowly hurls

The aches and the pains

The sleepless nights spent on my back listening to the downpour of rain