The last 24 hrs have been an absolute nightmare to say the least and this piece is definitely one the hardest pieces I've sat down to purposely write. The loss of family and friends is always tough and I have a tendency to push emotions aside and not deal with the pain while it's fresh; I can hear my ex telling me that I have unresolved pain, she always had the diagnosis for me. The truth is I've always been aware of my process and thought it better not to dwell within a place of sadness while everyone else was grieving because there needed to be someone strong within the group, strong within the room.
As I sit in my customary place to write, I find my emotions raw and my mind tired. Yesterday morning, my buddy listened to the noises in his head and lost the battle he so desperately fought to overcome. I've felt this way four times in my life and each time there was a void created and time slowed down leaving me to wonder if this was real. The reality is life is too real at times, we're born and then the promise is we'll eventually die at some point and my message over the last few years has been, "It's the way that some people die, which shakes us and causes us to mourn more".
Yesterday, the worlds of those who knew Etch was shaken in a manner, in a way that even he was too hard headed to realize. For me, the loss hits home, even more, due to the fact we had an active friendship, active communication, which allowed the other to be real, allowed the other to be transparent but damn, we're "men" and "men" don't share the full truth, nothing but the truth when they're hurting.
I'm hurting, now, and I'm hurting, now, because of how selfish you were to leave without saying what was on your heart and mind to someone, anyone, I'm hurting because I was selfish too in not asking you what I knew to be true. We live in this world of hashtags, thumbs for likes, hearts for likes, retweets for likes, but no rewards for the intentional or realness of "Talk to me man, where are you..."
There are zero mistakes in life and I'm grateful for the bonds which were created through sport, music, whiskey, and listening. I want to further and tell you how much I love you man but you're probably staring at me and shaking your head or something and a side note to your remark on Thursday, I'm not a hipster and my mustache is the first one I've grown seriously.
This is dumb man, I've cried more for you than I did for Kobe and I cried about Kobe for a couple of weeks it feels, so you know how you rank brother! The emptiness which you've created won't be filled by anyone ever again and many of us will be left wondering about the what ifs.
Thank you for the music bud, thank you for the laughter, thank you for being a polarizing figure in my tiny world. I want to curse, I want to say more but I'll leave with this for now... There are no mistakes and we were meant to have a bond for a reason. You said you'd make me a skinhead, get me wearing Stone Island, and sporting casual wear to matches, and and you also got me my only pair of Adidas.
I'm miss you bruh, I hope the pain is gone, and familiar people were there to welcome you home; soon brother, I hope you find me in Heavenly Records going through some jazz isle....
"Yo, Etch is that you bruh, they'll let anyone in here"
There are no mistakes