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  • Nemi

Pretty Lights...

We only get one shot at this thing called life, well, unless you believe in reincarnation and then you might get a few more; I'm sure with my luck, I'll return either as a rock in the bottom of lake or a speed-bump. I mean during our time here on this planet, we have the choice to either live or complain about the fact we're not living the way that we'd imagine our lives to be, when we were like seven or something.


Each morning, I wake up, I'm reminded that I've been allowed yet another day, a few more moments to either shine or to fail; now mind you, we fail daily but the truest victory is learning and growing from said failure(s). I thought last year was some form of coming of age in many regards but I believe this will be my year of growth, even if my time were to come to an end tonight. Man, the last twenty five days have been pretty damn wonderful!


The level at which we learn to love is another stepping stone in life, another area of potential growth, as we either love openly or we love with reservation(s). A friend stated to me, last year, that she viewed me of being more of a hopeful romantic as opposed to a hopeless romantic; I was like, "I'm over here romancing nada, I'm within a refinement period". As I think of past relationships (2), I think of the time spent not learning the proper lessons, instead falling into oh too familiar self sabotaging traps of woe is me. The truth is, "Woe was me", I was woefully miserable but allowed myself to remain in said valley because emptiness was a cathartic release. Why even try to be better, why not stay miserable?


Yesterday, I was allowed to rise on what some consider to be my birthday, I look at as just another day on the calendar. I do not look towards said day and think of moments of grandeur or anything out of the norm, however, I do tend to sit quietly and ponder where I am and how far I've come to be right here, right now.


For far too long, I used to sit and relish in the past, as in, I lived in yesterday and the few notable accomplishments which in reality didn't mean anything then and do not carry too much weight now. My desires were different yesterday, as in, they were desires, whereas my needs now are real needs; I need to become more patient with myself (still) and with other as well. I'm no longer walking into any rooms hoping to be noticed as much as I am noticing that I'm blessed to be in the room (read that again). There's an understanding that time is forever fleeting but I'm not bound by it, the only real reality is found within the here and now, like right now, this very moment, go on pinch yourself in order to see if you're alive.


During my high school days, there was a song by the ever gifted artist, Meatloaf which had a hook/chorus that said, "Aaaaaand objects in the rear view mirror, may appear closer than they are". Back in those days, we used to laugh when we'd sing those particular words, now I find myself thinking, "Man, this MF'er wasn't lying (Dave Chappelle voice being used, if you know you know and if you don't, well, you should watch more Dave), I digress. The rear view mirror is one that I've never learned to use correctly but I'll save those stories for a driving post blog or something.


IF we look close enough what are we finding, alas why are we looking behind us when the rest of our existence is laid out before us, in turn allowing yesterday to be closer than it probably needs to be when all is said and done. For years, I used to wake up feeling a way about the night/day before only to tell myself that today is a new day, yesterday was merely that, yesterday; for years on end I failed at holding true to this line of thought because I wasn't being true to myself, I kept checking the rear view.


I picked up a boomerang recently and I threw that son of gun as far as I could and I didn't simply stand there waiting for it to hit me in the back of the head, I watched it's flight from the moment it left my hand until it hit the ground six feet in front of me, I guess the way I was trying to throw it was all off of something, I mean sue me, I'm African! My buddy was like do it this way, bend your elbow, move this finger, do this to your wrist... BRUH STAAAAAAAP


As I got into my car and I started heading home, I noticed my rear view and I thought of some things from the past, some things from some yesterdays and I reminded myself that everything behind me are but lessons which I've already faced, some beautiful some not so beautiful but all lessons nonetheless.


IF you look close enough maybe you can see your yesterday(s) but you'll also be reminded by the words within the droplets of rain, which I miraculously captured within the PRETTY LIGHTS, that "Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer..." closer than they really need to be.


I dare you to live today, it's the only day we'll find ourselves in if we're living correctly!