Recently, my buddy Brandon said something to me about my happiness and writing, which caught me off-guard a bit. After a long day of watching sports and eating the wrong food(s), we found ourselves discussing life. Two of his sports teams absolutely beat the life out of two teams which I follow and as you can imagine, his day was set, whilst mine was frustrating. It's alway fascinating to sit and truly take in what someone else has to say, especially when their observation is about you.
Over the course of time, I've looked at my life in a way; I'm sure we all do this from time to time as we reflect upon our purpose. The problem for me is my reflection doesn't bounce back to me, the way it does to others. In my world, happiness isn't defined by money, cars, or status; it's unknown still. These days, I've found solace in remaining a recluse and leery of most things which aren't familiar to me. There are too many people who want to be seen and here I am, always seemingly running away from my own shadow, in truthfulness, my own light.
I was challenged, to be more comfortable with myself; a sentiment which I've heard twice within the week. My buddy closed his eyes, threw his head back, and smiled when he described how he viewed this life that I lead. My weird ass, blinked slowly and wanted to crawl out of the room.
There is a consummate fight or flight situation that takes place in my head. Do I fight for what I want to truly do or do I continue to run from it. The answer is I tend to lower my head and simply follow the rest of the unhappy fish as we swim downstream to die. Okay, okay, okay, it's nearly not as doom and gloom as I'm making it out to be but the truth to the matter is, something needs to change.
Perhaps this trip will do a number on my soul, raising my energy for THE FLIGHT.