Sometimes I want to write poems and then sometimes I want to write songs, most times I write whatever it is that pops into my head. My process of brain to fingers/keys is really simple, it's a feeling which I've had since this all started many days ago.
Today felt heavy in many ways but at the same time, it felt okay. The heaviness came in the form of being "on" for a major appointment that I had today. For years, I've felt as though I'm being sized up, once I enter into any business meeting. I am both the elephant and black guy in the room. People aren't intimidated of me probably due to my size but they're cautious, today I felt a great deal of caution within the span of an hour.
Who are you, what do you do, what's the company you work for? There's a part of me that wants to say, "I'm the guy who has assisted your office manager in helping to keep your business afloat". It's always the being overlooked part that sucks, whether in work or regular life. The onus falls on me for failing to stick out my chest more or jump around.
My escape from the heavy, today, was sitting with my buddy and taking in a match, with him, at his place of work. The pandemic has taught me so much the greatest being those who are meant to be in your life will be in your life (hopefully always). I sat off to the side of the few supporters who assembled to watch the match, I sat quietly all the while observing the reactions to calls, plays, and their interaction with each other. One of my favorite people on the planet showed up as well, though as quickly as an appearance was made, the moment faded.
Tonight, I've sat and done a few things within the house. I've continued to work on certain items which I brought home with me, from the office, I grabbed a graham cracker for dinner, spoke with my father about a cooking lesson which he's going to lead tomorrow, and I've attempted to process what's on my mind. I wonder what love looks like, shiny objects or a dimly lit building.
Forever on the outside looking in is how I feel. I'm waiting for a silhouette to appear in order to be captured but there is no one looking back at me. Oh THESE DAYS, I'm waiting to be seen whilst waiting in the dark.