I'm feeling a certain way but very few are asking what's taking place in my head. It's funny isn't it, we can send thumbs, hearts, disappearing messages on Snapchat, text, but never pick up a phone or show up in person and say, "Is everything okay?".
What if we were to be able to voice our true feelings about people and situations, how much better would we feel? "Hey, I'm just not a fan...", I mean imagine if we could just say exactly how we feel and then simply walk away from whatever it is that's weighing us down.
Years ago, I was dating a young lady who was pretty nice, actually she was a gem of a person but there ended up being this overwhelming feeling that our next step would be marriage. As the days, months, years went by us, I felt as though things just didn't feel right to me; I mean, the biggest decision you can possibly make in life shouldn't be predicated on the fact that your family is in love with someone or not, or that you're pregnant and with child and you don't want to have a bastard, or because your partner is "rich".
Long story super short, I told the aforementioned young lady that I wasn't planning on spending the rest of my life with her and then suddenly my spirits were lifted and I felt at peace with being honest, though it was less than a popular decision in my household and proooobably within hers as well. IF memory serves me correctly, one of her parting shots was, "I didn't like you initially but I gave you a chance." See, see, the honesty piece would have worked out perfectly for her and I wouldn't be writing this piece about seasons if... Actually, I'm sure I would have written this given the fact I'm at a crossroads it feels.
There are seasons within nature and also seasons within our lives as well. I've been blessed to have lived 501.7 months, 2,181.6 weeks, 15,271 days, and a few seasons in between it all. I would honestly say, for much of my life, I've failed to enjoy the seasons in earnest, instead I've been consumed with being comfortable and applying the status quo ratio to my daily living.
Am I happy 24/7/365, the answer would be no, am I happy now, the answer would be no, yet there are those moments of fleeting light and realization when I sit and reflect on the beauty which I've seen and hopefully still have yet to see.
I want to disappear, some days, as of late, I've wanted to fade away into oblivion and then there are days when I want to send a mass text and say, "I'm going on an adventure, please pray for me and if that's not your thing, prayer, at least send me some good vibes."
We no longer ask each other questions, if it's not broadcasted on the internet we....
I'm feeling a certain way but no one is asking me what's going on in my head; I suppose I'll pack a winter jacket and prepare for the cold, knowing that the warmth of the sun will be here again shortly. Oh these seasons of both nature and life.