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  • Nemi

I Keep...


I keep telling myself that today is going to be the day, today is the going to be the time that I finally look in the mirror and take hold of all this talent that I've been blessed with over the course of my life. There are days when I envision that I'll be "discovered" by some talent agent and then whisked away to start my commercial and then film career, all the while looking back at a city which has never afforded me a chance to be seen per se.

It's always interesting isn't it, the fact that we have to take a step back at times in order to see the full picture. I mean the world is out there but what truly exists around us which keeps us from achieving our goals. IF we were to be honest with ourselves it's us whom we have to deal with more often than not.

I keep wondering if the moves which I'm making now are going to create some type of reward later in life but then again there are no guarantees that I'll be around to enjoy anything but the present so the message to the story is to live in the now, the present.

My world is but the reflection of what's around me, beauty, chaos, struggle, and redemption. The fact that I'm allowed to wake each day and bring a smile to at least one person a day is something that I've finally begun to take ownership of each and every day. I keep telling myself that one person affected is one person saved with the biggest impact being the realization I too am being impacted by the exchange.

I'm insecure about so much and then at the same time, so little; yes, I know, juxtaposition is tricky. For so long, I've thought that I don't add up , rate, so I tend to ask the same questions in different ways, in order to hear the same answer in return, "You're fine". In all actuality, I'm not fine, I'm complacent and in my complacency, I've lost myself a bit.

This past weekend whilst on a hiking trip, a fella said, "Never ever tell a woman you like them because the moment you do, you've lost your advantage". I have no idea why this has bugged me so much, perhaps it's due to the fact that we live within an age where one cannot tell who's committed and who isn't, who's in love and who's in like, who's receiving kisses from the masses and who is only seeking the affection of one. IF I were to verbalize that same statement, I would say something along the lines of, "Imagine if you liked someone and they were like a light... you'd want that shit to shine right".

I keep telling myself that it's okay to be different, it's okay to say what on my mind, I keep telling myself that there's so much light still left to be shown within this ever evaporating bullshit world which we live in today. Who's willing to see the light with you or better yet, take the mantle and lead the charge?

I keep drowning out the noise and attempting to find the strength to believe in my hopes/dreams/aspirations.

"This little light of mine

I'm going to let it shine

This light of mine

I'm going to let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

All the time..."


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