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  • Nemi

Support Me

In the shadows I stand, head in my hands wondering who will dream with me. I mentioned to someone this week, that I felt much like the grasshopper while many are attempting to be the ant. My ideas of dreaming extend to where I sit presently not a time which may or may not arrive.

Today is my day and within this day, I've lived one life and with that being said it's a day/life filled with no regret(s) because I've taken in the moments presented to me. Why do we remember the past or cast hopes towards the future?

Perhaps I'm feeling a bit beat up and alone, a creative trapped within a space, or better yet tied to some who are only wrapped up within their own world; it's hard to feel the warmth of the the sun if you have zero desire to bask in said warmth/light.

Years ago, I was infatuated with a girl and during the process, I was forced to prove my value to her father. He was hard working man, a man who used his hands to fix things, build things, and take things out on his family. There was a time which I remember as though it were yesterday, I was asked to help some paneling on structure tied to a property which the family owned. I was a layman and definitely in over my head yet still I endured the, "You should never use your hands to fix anything", "Turn it the other way", "You're going to kill yourself", and the best one "Thank you for your help".

In 1994/95 I found myself attending college in New York for a year and being forced to grow up quickly during the process. From 1977 - 1994, I hadn't been faced with any real form of disappointment when it came to dealing with adults; I was a model student, a church going kid, and pretty mild mannered (for the most part). This time abroad never yielded a "Thank you for your help" as much as it left me wondering why the lack of support from a unit which I considered to be family. I was lost in life, at this point, because any ounce of confidence which was carried with me from California to New York was quickly extinguished within the course of a few weeks. I could sit and speak about my aunt and uncle but it would be my side of the story, a story which is bigger than just me.

IF you don't support me, you lose me, it's not complicated...

As the shadows grew longer on the trees, I wondered if this is how life slowly plays out before us all. The sun rises and doesn't cast any real shadows because it's just the beginning of the day but slowly time moves and so does the sun/the light, until there is a shadow cast before nightfall; we're born, we live, we eventually see our shadows, before we leave this world.

IF you're supported properly, many will seek comfort within your shade/shadow, many will admire how you stood in the light.

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